theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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