i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
