Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
