Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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