I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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