you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
