I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
