I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Randomize
