turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
