she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
