I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
