For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
