I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
