Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize