Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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