Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Just fell off a train. Bad.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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