Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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