a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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