So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
