dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
