I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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