This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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