If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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