I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
