i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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