you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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