Have you finally orgasmed yet?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
