Yo dont text me then not text me
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
it was like eating out sand paper
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
