Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
