What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Damn victory sex feels great
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
