just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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