capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
