OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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