I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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