Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize