I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
