How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
She tied me up with her honor cords...
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
