haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
