I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
