I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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