I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I need moral support for this bender
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
