now i know why i became what i already was.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
