he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
