i jhust puked up my retainher.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
