I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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