I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
