She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
