i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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