I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
