how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
