I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
