I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
