Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize