I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
