nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Randomize
