The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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