New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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