I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
