My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Someone shit on the floor
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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