Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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