P.S. I can't hear my feet
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
and you fell through a lawn chair
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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