saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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