i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
