Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
