i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
