Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
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