Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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