How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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