The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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