I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
